Why 3 Kids is Easier Than 1!

Crazy as it may sound, I firmly believe that three (or more) kids is far easier than one.  There are so many reasons why I think this is the case, so I'll discuss a few of them.

I've done this before:  The first and most obvious observation is that this is not my first time in this rodeo.  I've gone through this twice before already.  I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel of each stage and phase.  If the baby is waking up every 30 minutes through the night, I know that won't last.  If the 3 year old is throwing a tantrum, I know that at some point (hopefully) those will become fewer and farther between.  No phase is permanent, they will outgrow these times.  And sadly, someday, there really will be a "last first" something.  The last first haircut, the last first steps, etc.  Even though I could be much better about it, I know I should savor all of these things, even the annoying bits, because one day they'll be grown and out of the house with little ones of their own to drive them crazy in return.

I know what to expect:  For the most part!  By now I feel like I know what is "normal" for a baby and what isn't.  Or at least what is normal for that baby.  When Thomas was a baby he was the king of spitting up.  Since he did it almost from the beginning, I thought that was just normal.  But he would spit up a huge amount every time.  With Lydia, she didn't spit up at all the first few weeks, but then she started spitting up like Thomas had all of a sudden.  I figured out finally that the only thing I had changed was the amount of milk I was consuming.  After talking to the doctor about it I found out that this is quite common and that all I needed to do was cut way back on the dairy.  Lydia hardly spits up anymore now, and when she does it's usually because she hasn't burped well or she got moved too soon after eating.  Looking back I imagine Thomas had the same sensitivity and I just didn't know any better.

I feel comfortable speaking up if I think something is wrong:  This ties in with the previous point.  I wouldn't have felt comfortable when I only had one to speak up and ask if something was wrong.  I wouldn't have felt comfortable asking for a second opinion if I didn't feel like the doctor cared about my child's diagnosis.  Luckily, I haven't had many instances where I felt like my concerns weren't heard or taken seriously.  We have a fantastic pediatrician who has three kids of her own and she is always great about listening to our concerns and addressing them.  Unfortunately not all doctors are like this and some of the specialists we have had to see over the years have left a lot to be desired.  I've never felt uncomfortable calling the pediatrician and asking her to refer us somewhere else.

I'm not afraid to make mistakes:  I'd be lying if I said I haven't made any mistakes in taking care of these children that God has entrusted to my care.  I'm a quick learner though, so I try to always learn from those mistakes.  Except for that one where the kid always tends to find a way to roll off the couch when they are barely mobile.  Somehow I keep forgetting that one.  :)  I remember my mom always telling me that the first born is kind of the experiment.  You get all of your mistakes out of the way on that one.  I don't know if I totally agree, but I do think there is some truth there.  I think you make the majority of the mistakes with the first one, but I know I've made plenty of different mistakes with the second and third born as well!  Chalk it up to a learning curve, ask for forgiveness, and move on.

I no longer think they are always on the verge of death:  You know how it is with the first one.  They drop their binky on the floor and you rush to wash it off.  You washed all of the clothes in Dreft 3 months before they were born.  You made sure all the electrical outlets had a safety plug and all the cabinets had a combination lock on them so the baby would never, ever, ever encounter anything unsafe.  The first time they had a low-grade fever you called the pediatrician on call and panicked until they returned your call and told you to give them a lukewarm bath and reminded you that, since they are 6 months old they are probably cutting teeth, so give them a little baby Tylenol and they'll be fine.  The first time they slept through the night you didn't rejoice in the fact that YOU got to sleep through the night, you went running into their room to make sure they hadn't suffocated in their crib.  I've been there.  By the second one, you're lucky if you remember to put the safety plug back in the outlet after you vacuum because it took you 10 minutes to get the damn thing out in the first place.  You leave the cabinets open when you cook because it takes too long to continue messing with the child safe combination locks you installed.  You get so excited when they FINALLY sleep through the night for the first time.  By the third one, you don't even bother with the child-proofing.  You've lost all of the safety plugs since the second kid and it wouldn't matter if you had them to remove from the wall because you've vacuumed twice since #3 arrived anyway.  And messing with the combination locks on the cabinets?  Who has time to cook now?! The kid is lucky to get a bath once a week some weeks, let alone a lukewarm one when they have that low-grade teething or vaccination induced fever. And you wouldn't even notice that they slept through the night anyway if it hadn't been for the 3 year old coming into your room at 7:30 in the morning to wake you up and you're annoyed because the baby DID actually let you sleep and now the toddler is waking you up.  I don't get worked up about the low grade fever anymore.  The bigger kids help to make sure the baby isn't going to get something unsafe and try to shove it in her mouth.  I don't think they'll be leaving her alone long enough anyway for her to get near the wall sockets, let alone stick a penny in them.  Like we have enough money sitting around anyway for her to find a penny!  We have three kids, we DON'T have money!!!

I know what doesn't work for our family:  And I'm not afraid to admit it when an experiment fails!  If it's not working for your family, DON'T KEEP DOING IT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE BOOK SAYS TO DO!  Be the mom "whatever works" mom, for yourself and for other!  If (safe) co-sleeping works for your family and everyone gets sleep and you're okay with that, cool.  If it doesn't work for your family and you all start to hate each other over it and nobody is sleeping and you can't even have the baby in the same room as you because you AND the baby aren't sleeping, then by all means get them out of there!  There is no perfect time when the baby needs to move to their own room.  Both of our girls couldn't sleep in our room from the start.  We tried having them in the bassinet for the first week for each of them and it was a terrible experience for all of us.  Whenever one of us would roll over in bed the baby would wake up.  Whenever the dog would move, the baby would wake up.  Whenever the baby would breathe, sigh, move her pinky toe, or clear her throat, both adults and both dogs would wake up.  It wasn't working.  So before either of those two were even a week old they were in their own nursery in their own crib sleeping several hours at a time and it was beautiful.  If you have better luck co-sleeping or rooming in, good for you, I'm glad that worked for you, it certainly didn't for us.  But if you are co-sleeping/rooming in and it's NOT working out for you, then get that baby out of your room!

They know what is expected of them:  I have gotten better with practice at letting them know what is expected of them, punishing when needed, and following through.  When we go to the store they are reminded before we get out of the car what is expected of them and what the consequences of ignoring those expectations will be.  Sometimes they obey, sometimes they don't, but they choose their behavior and therefore choose the consequences.  They are choosing more and more to follow the rules.

I have two big helpers:  I don't have to be the only person to retrieve a clean diaper or put a dish in the sink or walk to the mailbox anymore.  I don't have to the be the only person to put all of the dirty clothes in the hamper.  I also don't have to be the only one to try and make the baby smile or laugh!  I have two older ones who are more than happy to grab a clean diaper, toss a dirty one, put their own clothes in the hamper, and make a complete fool of themselves all for the sake of making that baby laugh at them.

I'm not the only person they have to play with anymore:  When it was just Amelia, I (or John) was her sole source of entertainment most of the time.  If she wanted to play a game, she came to us.  If she wanted a book read, she came to us.  If she wanted a snack she came to us.  Now that she is 6 and proud to be the big sister, she is more likely to ask her brother to play with her.  She reads a book to the family.  She and Thomas grab their own snacks from the cabinet after asking permission.  It's so nice to not feel like I have to put on a Dog and Pony Show everyday to entertain the kid since I'm her only playmate.  The hardest time so far was when Thomas was born and Amelia was still only 2 years old.  Having two kids completely dependent on me all the time was rough.  Now I have only 1 completely dependent on me and two who are pretty independent and willing to entertain their baby sister and each other.

I can enjoy them more:  Much as I forget to just soak it in and enjoy it sometimes, I really can enjoy it more now that it doesn't feel quite so much like I'm buried in the trenches of toddlerhood and newborn nightmares.  It's fun to watch them interact with each other.  It's a stirs my heart to see Amelia read a book to her brother.  It makes my heart leap to hear Lydia laugh out loud at Thomas when he makes a funny face and falls on the floor.  They are so difficult some days, but they are also so much fun on a lot of days.

They are a gift to each other:  I think this is the most important lesson of all.  They truly are a gift to each other.  I've heard many times that the greatest gift you can give your children are siblings and I wholeheartedly agree.  They are their first friends, the people they learn to fight with and make up with, they share experiences and a history, and someday when their dad and I are old geezers with no teeth and even fewer brains left, they will work together to make the decisions about how best to put us out to pasture.  As they get older, they will become closer friends and fight less and it will be beautiful.  But even now when they spend so much time fighting over toys and attention, there are still so many moments of beauty like when they let the other play with their favorite toy or they do something nice for the other without prompting. 

If you had told me when Amelia was a baby that two more kids would be so much easier than where I was at that point, I would have laughed in your face, but it is so true.  And I love it.